I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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