Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
