so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
