used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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