We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
