we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
