i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
