i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
