so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Please don't give away my fajitas
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
