i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
