Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
