the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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