I accidentally burped into my bong.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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