haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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