yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How external is "for external use only"?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
