We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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