Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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