People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
