The best revenge is premature balding
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i drank out of a bidet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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