You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
