I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
