dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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