I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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