she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
