At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
