why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sobbing to NWA
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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