haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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