very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish you could order shots online.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A bitchslap is in order.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
