Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
