This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
