a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
