Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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