Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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