i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
