2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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