so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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