She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
do nipples grow back?
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