We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So much Jack, so little girl.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
