he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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