I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
