I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
