i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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