hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
