i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
