dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wanna go halves on a baby?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
