wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
