Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
