Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
