He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
