i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
