Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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