i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
