take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
