Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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